(Scroll down to see details of the Children Who Witness Abuse Program...)

 

Hey kids, do you ever feel like this?

 

• You feel worried and sad, and maybe sometimes angry, about your family.
•  Your stomach is in a knot when you go home and both parents are there.
•  You are afraid to bring friends home in case one parent is in a bad mood. 
•  You sometimes feel that you have to protect one parent from the other. 

Things can be tough at home. Who can you talk to?

 

Call the police at 911 if you are in danger right now. 

or

Call the Children’s Helpline at 250.310.1234.

 

Do you live in a family where:

 

• One parent acts in a way that scares the other parent? Are you afraid of them too? 
•  One parent has hurt the other? (For example, hitting, kicking, pulling hair, throwing things?) 
•  One parent is always the boss? 
•  One parent stops the other from going out and having friends? 
•  One parent threatens the other? (For example, says they will hurt the other or says they will take the kids away from the other?) 
•  One parent won’t let the other have any money? 
•  One parent says hurtful things to the other? (For example, calling them stupid or lazy or worthless?) 
• One parent tries to get you to take sides against the other?

 

Did you know:

 

• This is abuse.
• It’s not your fault.
• Other children and youth have had experiences like this.
• It’s not your job to protect a parent.
• There is help available for you and your family.
• You deserve to feel safe

 

How To Get Help

Is there an adult you trust? Tell them what’s going on at home.

Tell your teacher or principal or ask to speak to the School Counsellor.

Call the Children’s Helpline at 310-1234.

Call the Lilli House Crisis Line at 338-1227.

Call the police at 911 if you are in danger right now.

 

How To Stay Safe - You Need An Action Plan!

Here are some ideas for an Action Plan for Safety:

 

• Plan somewhere you can go when things get scary at home. Do you know a neighbour?
•  Plan on having a way to get there. Even in your pajamas, just grab your shoes and go.
•  Keep the phone number of a trusted adult where you can always find it. Let them know ahead of time that you might call because you need them to come and get you.
•  Even relatives out of town can help in an emergency by calling someone else to help.
•  Dial O for operator and they will help you for free.
•  Keep 25 cents somewhere safe to make a phone call from a pay phone.

 

Here are some ideas other children and youth have used to stay safe:

• “I go to my friends’ houses a lot.”
•  “I call my grandma and ask her to come and pick me up.”
•  “I keep enough bus fare in my pocket to go to my uncle’s house.”
•  “When I’m really scared, I call 911.”
•  I know my Aunty’s phone number off by heart.

Remember: You Have The Right To Be Safe!

 

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Phone: 250-897-0511

Some children feel responsible for the violence they witness. They may try to help by not saying how they feel and by trying to cope with the situation on their own. The effects on children who witness the abuse of their caregivers may include:

• A sense of powerlessness
•  Poor school performance
•  Difficulty making friends
• Low self-esteem
• Delayed development
• Aggressive behaviour
• Stomach aches, headaches, sleep disturbances, eating disorders
• Depression, anger, fear, distrust, shame
• Running away from home
• Alcohol and drug abuse, glue sniffing

 

The CWWA Program provides:

• Individual and group counselling services for children aged 3 – 19 who have been exposed to the abuse of their mothers.
•  We provide support to caregivers of children under 3 years old.
• Information and support to the mother or other caregiver.
• Groups and workshops for mothers and for grandparents who are raising grandchildren.
• School-based education focusing on violence prevention.

 

The goal of the CWWA Program is:

 To break the cycle of intergenerational abuse by focusing on the children of the family, to teach them non-violent ways of resolving conflict and begin healing the wounds inflicted upon them.

The future is hopeful for these children, if they receive the right intervention.

CWWA Counselling is not intended as a crisis response to children who are still living in the abusive situation. The abusive person must be out of the household before the child begins CWWA counselling.

The CWWA program helps children in the following ways:

• To understand they are not responsible for the violence in their home.
• To express feelings in a healthy way.
• To recognize their strengths and improve their self-confidence.
• To develop a safety plan.

Other goals of the program include exploring the myths about violence and examining the role of violence in the media and its affects on children, as well as supporting children in improving social skills and school performance. The program works to clarify the child’s understanding of their experience and to learn new coping strategies.

When children see their mother being hurt they may learn that:

• Violence is OK.
• Violence works to get you what you want.
• Violence is a way to solve problems.
• Violence is a normal part of relationships.
• Any distressing feeling can be expressed as anger.
• Women don’t deserve respect.

Making a decision to leave an abusive situation is a difficult and confusing process. Until a mother gets the help she needs to feel safe, the children cannot feel safe or happy knowing that their mother is being hurt. An abusive parent denies their children the right to a safe and happy childhood.

How To Help A Child Who Has Witnessed Abuse - Mothers and other caregivers can help a child by:

• Letting them know the abuse was not their fault.
•  Letting them know it’s not their job to protect you.
•  Helping them with a safety plan, in case it is needed again.
•  Let them know that it is okay to love the abusive parent, even though they hate the abusive behaviour.
• Make sure they have the opportunity to talk about the abuse. If this is too uncomfortable for you, help them find someone they can talk to.
• Help them find safe ways to talk about feelings. Let them know it is normal to feel sad or angry about what has happened.
• Notice the positive steps your child is taking and make sure they know that you notice.
• Let them know what is happening and what to expect. They may feel worried about your safety and need to know when you will return home if you go out.
• Get support for yourself. It takes lots of patience to parent a child who is reacting to having witnessed abuse.

With Thanks to Interventions with Children Exposed to Domestic Violence, BC Children’s Hospital, 2005.